I CRIED -Me against Me

I’ve had a constant battle with my weight.. It goes up and it goes down, more up than down. I think its difficult for outsiders to understand the struggle.. they say Just Stop Eating…. ermmm if it was that simple then well I wouldn’t be writing about it would I.

My job doesn’t require much moving about, at a desk with minimal movements, so since I started I’ve made more effort to walk, getting off a stop earlier and walking up and down the stairs.. yaye me.. its progress..

However, I remember looking at a recent picture of myself and I was shocked to see how big I have actually become.. I dont actually look in the mirror in the mornings when I get ready for work.. I dont know if I do this intentionally because Im scared of what I might see or whether its due to the fact that my mirror has broken and I dont feel the need too spend money on another one just yet…

But this made me think back to a time when I had plans to go out and I could never find anything to where, everything I had just made me feel like crap and I would always just cry….(this is also how the mirror broke lol)..

…………………………………………. 

Today I cried

As I looked in the mirror and she looked back

I cried

As I saw what she had become

I cried

As I saw the marks that would never disappear

I cried

After I saw the abuse from so many years 

I cried

As I searched through my wardobe for something to wear

I cried

As I put on my favourite top just for it to tear

I cried

As I listened to the taunts from those outside

I cried

As I listened to the lies from those close by

I cried 

As I realised that I am the answer and the cure 

I cried

As I realised I didnt think I could do it 

I cried 

As I looked back in the mirror and saw what looked back at me

I cried 

As I realised that I can do this if I really tried

I cried… but I also smiled… 

………………………………………………..

It has been an emotional journey and it doesnt help when your size 8-14 friends call themsleves fat but then tell you at size 22 that you look fine. It has to stop. 

I have been thinking  about different ways to approach my weight loss, I am no longer indulging in fad diets.. they work for the moment but there is no consistency. So just trying to take it slow with a healthier in take and more movement. I have now taken the first steps..
2lbs off… woo hoo…  

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Author: soulfullyblack

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