The unconfident lawyer Part 1

She was seven when she first told her mom that she wanted to be the first black female Judge and lock away all the bad people…  fast forward to high school she loves Ally Mcbeal and wants to be part of Fish & Co… so she continues on her path.  she has achieved her GCSE’s enough to get into college but not quite good enough to do A Level law.. does the dream end here? Is it still her dream? She starts to doubt her abilities and therefore goes ahead and does alternative A – Levels… she starts to lose interest and scrapes through with good enough results to get into university, not necessarily the one she wants but she gets there anyway.. 

However, she doesnt do a law degree, she doesnt feel that she has the grades to make it, she is too scared to even question and therefore opts to do a Criminology degree… She hates it but she likes to finish what she started and therefore pushes on through and obtains her degree, she doesnt make many friends and finds it hard to socialise as she does not have the confidence…she proceeds to graduate and again her reesults are not great and now she is stuck at a crossroads.. Does she risk it anyway and pursue the career she always wanted… she contemplates changing her major to pshychology but decides against considering her life long ambition has been a legal one.. she proceeds with the conversion course.. 
She finishes her course, then proceeds to the next stage law school.. one final hurdle before she is let free into world that is legal all by herself…. 

She attends her first day and sees a girl that looks like her so she sits at the table and introduces herself a few others come to table, little did she know these would become her life long friends..

She starts to enjoy her course and new formed friendships and she completes her course and is ready for the next stage, the difficult stage (the training contract)  She tries to get work experience and is not successful straight away..she manages to get a little gig where she attends once a week for work experience, the struggle for her training contract continues. The job search is tireless and neverending with nothing coming out of anything. A friend encourages her to apply for a firm whrre she has recently obtained work, she gives it a go and is called for an interview. She doesnt do well and it is safe to say she doesnt get the job. However, a little while later she is offered an alternative role at the same firm, she figures it could be the way in and decides to take..

Herein begins the most confidence shattering part of her career to date. A greulling 5 years, which she found difficult and sometimes heartbreaking. Even though she made some great friends on a personal level it became emotionally and physically difficult. However,  with perseverance and her faith in God she managed to push through and achieve her goal, she became a qualified lawyer. 

It was at this time that she was dismissed from her role, she didnt even question why and was left newly qualified with no post qualified experience and felt like her career had come to an end… Her emotions were high and she contemplated quitting altogether. She searched continuously for work to no avail and then no longer contemplated quitting, she just did it..

Her dream came to an end and she pursued a role of  careworker. A complete change and just a temporary means as she has a wedding to pay for. She actually came to love her new role meeting and helping people, travelling all over which is what she always wanted to do. She became sucked in and a temporary job became permanent, the wedding had come and gone, why was she still here. She was too scared to consider going back she knew she had no chance. 

However, being away from home and her husband was starting to take its toll and she realised that if she wanted to start a family and settle down properly then she was going to have to get a 9-5.. 

She started her applications for lawyer roles but she also applied for lesser roles as she didnt think she had a chance after being  away for so long. She applied and applied and applied and she got rejection after rejection. She even applier for day care roles however she quickly realised the salary would not be sufficient.

She changed her CV and kept on applying, she started to get interviews which gave her a mini confidence boost however after 6 months she was still unemployer and starting to wonder if she had made a mistake in giving up in the first place. She became upset and regretted her decision.

She continued to pray on it and kept applying. She was encouraged by her husband and close friends and family. 

Her big break finally came and she was offered a job, not necessarily on her skill set but more so on her knowledge. However, this was just the news she needed to hear and she began the new chapter in her life.

She still often second guesses herself but is working on trying to be better…
To be continued…


Author: soulfullyblack


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